It just seems impossible

Eating right has never been so hard as it has been the past week and half or so. We have been running back and forth from Salisbury to Saint John. There just isn't time to eat healthy.

We have a family member in the hospital right now and trying to get a healthy meal at the Saint John Regional Hospital cafeteria shouldn't be too hard. Or so I thought. Now I know they have salads and stuff like that but when you smell the deep fryer and see the fries, oh man I go week. It's just so easy to grab a coffee and a muffin and get back to the family member. It has to be quick and easy.

On the plus side though, after having ate the fries I felt horrible. It's like my body was saying “what the heck is the matter with you? How could you feed me that stuff?” I (and my body) were not happy campers.

So, I've been doing my very best to get my salads back into me and get back on the straight path to healthy living and eating.

I haven't done a weigh in because I know it won't be pretty. So, next week I will hopefully be able to give better news and positive results.

-Elisa

I cheat!

I hate dieting. I've never been very successful with it, as the title goes, I'm sure you know why. The thought of being told “you can't have that!” pisses me off. Drives me nuts to be honest. It's food, I should be allowed to have it if I want it. And as much of it as I want. And that is why I cheat.

However; I finally understand that it's not that I can't have it, I just need to make sure I don't over do it. That's not going to be easy for me, at all! But now that I'm getting older, and I'm not ashamed to say that my 40^th birthday is only two years away, I really do need to practice self control with my food. I have set a goal for myself. On my 40^th birthday, I will have reached and maintained my goal weight. I'm also not ashamed to say that my goal weight is 150 lbs. I want to be able to go and buy a little black dress and feel good in it, confident even.

Now that I've said what my goal weight is, I'm holding myself accountable to you. You, the person reading this blog. To my friends and family who, I hope, are reading this blog. You and a few very close friends (Joanne & Kim) are my support system (and my husband too). This is a very big step for me. I'm letting you into my life, not to judge me, not to tell me “Don't eat that doughnut!”, but to help me and encourage me. To say “cut the doughnut into four pieces and only eat one piece”.

Now, having said all of this, I will tell you what I plan to do to remove the extra weight and become healthy. I am going to be following a points system, I won't say what system it is, however I'm sure you can all figure it out because it's a world wide system. I do believe Duchess Sarah Ferguson is a member of this system. I am going to write at least once a week, I'll give a weigh in, give my thoughts and feelings on the whole thing etc.

What I want, no what I need from all of you are your comments. Positive or negative it doesn't matter to me, just try to be kind. The other thing is I will need your prayers. Please, don't let me be a cheater, because cheaters never win.

-Elisa

PS: Just so you know, even though I've cheated on this point system I have lost a total of five pounds in the past month or so.

A little history on me

I was adopted.  I was first taken from my biologicals (that's what I will refer to them as from now on, it's just easier) when I was six months old and from that time I was placed into 21 different foster homes by the time I was three.  My parents got me when I was three and my adoption was final when I was six.

Now the stories that I've heard have been some what horrifying, to say the least.  Such as, I was pushed down a flight of stairs and that is how I dislocated my left hip (I now have problems with my left hip, x-rays show that the ball is wide and flat instead of round).  Stories of neglect and abuse.  Now I don't know what's true and what isn't so I refuse to place blame or make judgments (that's not my call).

One of the stories that I've been told was about how the female biological loved her dogs more than her children (there were four of us in total).  She fed her dogs and took care of them, she loved them.  When my mom and dad got me they say that I was so malnourished they could count all my ribs from a short distance away.  They also say that I used to go to the fridge, open the door and just stare into it for a few minutes.  When asked what I was doing I would just say "just making sure it isn't all gone" or something along those lines.

Here I am, 34 years later.  I'm over weight and I have issues with food.  I have a six year old daughter that isn't fat, but she's solid as a rock (and sneaks candy and food).  I have my fears for her.

I have been eating healthier, making better food choices in hopes to shed a few pounds and be an example to my children.  The next few blogs will be about my struggle and my journey with food.

-Elisa